1
00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:03,769
[music on TV]
2
00:00:07,308 --> 00:00:09,341
What are you watching?
3
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:12,544
I'm watching you spill popcorn
all over the floor.
4
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:16,248
Oh, yeah.
Careful where you step.
5
00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:18,951
Oh, "Casablanca!"
6
00:00:18,953 --> 00:00:20,986
Yeah. Great film.
7
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I've seen it so many times.
8
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:27,659
Well, then you won't mind
if I change the channel.
9
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:29,328
ALF!
10
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:31,930
Willie, it's Godzilla week
on Channel 6.
11
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,401
Stop the presses!
12
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:38,504
They're showing
"Godzilla Vs. The Thing"
13
00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,572
"Godzilla Vs. King Kong"
14
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and "Godzilla
Vs. The Smog Monster."
15
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Guess which one this is?
16
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I'm not guessing.
17
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:49,715
I'll give you a hint.
18
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:52,618
[coughing]
19
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:58,023
"Godzilla Vs. The Smog Monster?"
20
00:00:58,025 --> 00:00:59,591
[imitates a buzzer]
Wrong!
21
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:00,859
Wrong?
22
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:02,361
Why were you coughing?
23
00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:04,997
Popcorn stuck in my throat.
24
00:01:04,999 --> 00:01:07,533
Uh, ALF, I don't think
you should watch this movie.
25
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:09,935
You know how they always
give you nightmares.
26
00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:13,405
Correction!
Used to give me nightmares!
27
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,442
I've matured since
"The Blob" festival.
28
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[roaring]
29
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[screams]
30
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[theme music]
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[music continues]
32
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[instrumental music]
33
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:31,783
Oh, you look nice.
34
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:32,918
Oh, thanks.
35
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,653
You know,
I don't feel right
36
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,789
about going to see
this play by myself.
37
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,825
Well, would you feel better
if I went with you
38
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,961
and ALF destroyed the house
while we were gone?
39
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You're right, it's nice to know
that when I come home
40
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,167
there'll be a home..
41
00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:50,169
...to come home to.
42
00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:51,537
Well, it won't last forever.
43
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:53,138
He's just always
more destructive
44
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:55,274
during hockey season.
45
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,875
[shattering]
46
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:59,378
I'm gonna tell him
that we're going out separately
47
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and it's just because of him
48
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,514
and that he's
got to learn to behave himself.
49
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:03,649
No, don't do that.
50
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:04,983
Whenever he tries
to behave himself
51
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,452
he gets nervous,
he breaks even more things.
52
00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,454
[clanking]
53
00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:11,723
How many more things
can there be?
54
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:16,995
Say, what was all that noise?
55
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,063
I don't know.
56
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:21,400
As my old Grandpa Satchel
used to say
57
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:22,534
"Don't look back.
58
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:25,837
Something might be broken."
59
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,639
Well, in this case,
it's my casserole dish
60
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,675
and the cookie jar.
61
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,009
Hey, Willie,
where are you going?
62
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,512
Well, I'm gonna go
see a musical.
63
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:35,347
Musicals are dumb!
64
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:38,183
Out of the blue
people burst into song.
65
00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:40,919
Hence, the term musical.
66
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,688
Yeah, but wouldn't it
get on your nerves
67
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:45,357
if all of a sudden
I started singing
68
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¶ Hey Kate ¶
69
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,160
¶ Ain't it great ¶
70
00:03:48,162 --> 00:03:49,328
¶ Hey Willie ¶
71
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:51,029
¶ You look silly
Hey-- ¶¶
72
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:52,998
It's getting on my nerves!
73
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,499
See what I mean?
74
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:56,435
What's this stinker called?
75
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,170
"Cats."
76
00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:01,540
Take me, please!
77
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:03,208
Afterwards, we'll go backstage
78
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,544
and eat the actors.
79
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:06,912
Well, they're not real cats
80
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,514
they're actors dressed up
to look like cats.
81
00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:12,851
Well, pwah! I'll pass.
82
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:15,387
How come you're not
going with your mate, Kate?
83
00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:17,956
Well, um..
84
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:20,058
...actually, um, ahem,
do you remember a while back
85
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:23,662
we, we left you alone, and you,
ahem, blew up the kitchen?
86
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,298
Oh, yeah.
87
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,066
I get nervous
just thinking about it.
88
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,701
[glass rattling]
89
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:32,204
Uh, well, uh, I'm not going
90
00:04:32,206 --> 00:04:33,572
because I-I don't feel well.
91
00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:36,475
I have a fever. A slight fever.
92
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,644
Oh, well, let me press my lips
93
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,412
against your forehead.
94
00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:41,647
No!
95
00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:45,484
You don't sound that sick.
96
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:49,054
Is there something wrong
between you two?
97
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,756
Of course not.
98
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,924
You wouldn't lie
to the old ALFer?
99
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:53,792
Well, no.
100
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,927
Because I always tell the truth.
101
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:58,730
Example, your socks are limp.
102
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,266
- Goodbye, Willie.
- Bye.
103
00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:03,101
- Have a good time.
- Bye.
104
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:06,438
And those glasses
make you look owlish.
105
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:07,906
Goodbye, ALF.
106
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:11,143
Did I mention
he has a funny walk?
107
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:15,080
[instrumental music]
108
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,350
¶ Da-da da da da da-a-a ¶¶
109
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:20,552
Alright, let's go for three.
110
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,524
Come on, Bri, time for bed.
111
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:27,959
But ALF's teaching me
how to juggle.
112
00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:30,195
New rule,
no juggling with glasses.
113
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:32,798
Oh, great.
114
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,966
First, no juggling with plates.
115
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,502
Now, no juggling with glasses.
116
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What's next? Lucky?
117
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No juggling with the cat.
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Darn.
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There go my plans for
120
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"Circus Of The Strays."
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00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:49,381
Come on, Bri.
122
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:51,216
- Night, ALF.
- Night, B.
123
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:52,484
- Hi.
- Oh, hi, honey.
124
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,052
- How was your date?
- It was fun!
125
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,054
Okay, I want to hear all about
it after I put Bri to bed.
126
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:59,191
- Okay.
- I wanna hear all about it too.
127
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:00,492
Bri.
128
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,627
I thought you hated
that smushy stuff.
129
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:05,030
I like it better
than going to bed.
130
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:07,899
Cute repartee, huh?
131
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,501
Adorable.
132
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:12,537
So, did you ask Lizard
to marry you?
133
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,339
No, why would I do that?
134
00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:17,008
Well, don't you want
to be Mrs. Lynn Lizard?
135
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:20,812
Living in a nice little cottage
with a white picket fence?
136
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,814
I hadn't thought about it.
137
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,850
Well, think about it.
138
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:28,687
I'm gonna need a place to crash
when your parents get a divorce.
139
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,689
My parents
aren't getting divorced.
140
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:33,191
Don't be so sure.
141
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:36,995
I'm a student of the breakup
of the nuclear family.
142
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,497
No, you're not.
143
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:39,531
Alright.
144
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:40,699
I'm a student of the breakup
145
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:43,268
of a planet by nuclear boo-boo.
146
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:47,939
But I do know
when a romance is dying.
147
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:51,676
ALF, my parents'
romance isn't dying.
148
00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:54,780
Then why are they always
doing things separately?
149
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,848
It can't be because of me.
150
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,784
Perish the thought.
151
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:02,087
Well, look, we can't take
a chance that something's wrong.
152
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,389
We must take action.
153
00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:05,457
Must we?
154
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:06,892
Trust me on this one.
155
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,895
I've been wrong
so many times before.
156
00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:13,131
[instrumental music]
157
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,869
Mom and dad wanna know
if they can come out now.
158
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,639
Yeah, just as soon as
I spit-shine these plates.
159
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:24,242
[expectorates]
That won't be necessary.
160
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:27,379
Fine, let 'em eat off
dirty dishes.
161
00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:28,747
You can come out now!
162
00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:31,316
Wait, wait, wait!
Cover your eyes first!
163
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:33,718
Oh, is that really necessary?
164
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,387
(ALF)
'Humor me.'
165
00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:36,788
Willie, no fair peeking!
166
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,757
(Willie)
Ow!
167
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,492
I guess you weren't peeking.
168
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:43,094
Okay, open.
169
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:44,329
ALF!
170
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:47,165
What is the occasion?
171
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:51,069
Well, on Melmac, it's National
Rag-On-The-Martians Day
172
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,905
but here, it's just
Kate-And-Willie Day.
173
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,607
'Now, come on,
sit down, you two.'
174
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,275
Enjoy. Lunch.
175
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,277
- Well, thank you!
- Thank you, ALF.
176
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:02,747
I was going to prepare
a lovely chateaubriand
177
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:05,083
but I have no idea what that is.
178
00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,918
So you're getting hamburgers.
179
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,453
- And champagne.
- Yeah.
180
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:10,021
It's dry and fruity
181
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,324
with just a hint of wackiness.
182
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:13,825
I even dropped in
a worm for that
183
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,761
south-of-the-border flavor.
184
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:19,631
Uh, no, I'll,
uh, I'll pass.
185
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,099
Alright, I'll give it to Lucky.
186
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:23,969
He loves this imported stuff.
187
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,505
No, no, ALF,
give that to me.
188
00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:27,939
Listen, I want to know..
189
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,140
...why you did all this.
190
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,775
Well, I merely wanted you two
191
00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:33,478
to have a nice
candlelight dinner at home.
192
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,846
The two of you.
193
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,849
Willie and Kate,
Kate and Willie
194
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,652
husband and wife, man and woman
195
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,854
circle with an arrow pointing up
196
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,824
circle with a little cross
pointing down.
197
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:47,158
That's enough, ALF.
198
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,361
- Well, well, see you later.
- Thank you.
199
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:50,629
You know what they say?
200
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:53,465
"Two's company,
three is a crowd."
201
00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:55,967
Four is, uh, two companies.
202
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:58,003
Five is a crowd and a company.
203
00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:01,973
Six. Six could either be three
companies or two crowds.
204
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,009
I'll have my burger medium.
205
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:06,578
Medium?
They're all the same size.
206
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,246
Extra large.
207
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:11,917
What do you think
he's up to?
208
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,018
I don't know.
209
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,519
But until we find out
210
00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:16,488
we might just as well enjoy it.
211
00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:18,256
He has created
a nice atmosphere.
212
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,692
Yeah, you know,
I feel underdressed
213
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,327
in my own living room.
214
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:24,162
Gangway, coming through
215
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,131
soup and salad!
216
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:30,235
In one pot.
217
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,203
How convenient.
218
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:34,873
Hey, less dishes
for you to wash, Kate.
219
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:37,375
I wanted this night
to be perfect.
220
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,344
Now you two lovebirds
221
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,446
talk amongst yourselves.
222
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,689
He's odd.
223
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,857
E-even for an alien.
224
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,060
You know,
I think I just figured out
225
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,195
why he's doing all this.
226
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,397
He thinks we're having
marital problems.
227
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,566
Wh-why would you say that?
228
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,201
I don't know, the-the dinner
229
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:06,071
the way he's trying
to get us to be roman..
230
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:08,740
Maybe he overheard us
arguing last night.
231
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,575
That wasn't an argument.
232
00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:12,043
That was
a difference of opinion.
233
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,578
I just don't happen
to think that Lynn
234
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:16,081
is old enough
to go on a ski trip.
235
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,750
She's 17,
that's not too young.
236
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,986
Let's not,
let's not start again.
237
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:24,189
It was settled last night.
238
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:29,394
Actually, nothing was settled.
You fell asleep.
239
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:31,262
Before I fell asleep
240
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,431
I remember, you said
you agreed with me.
241
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,600
(Kate)
'Willie, I was going
on trips like this'
242
00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:37,135
when I was younger than Lynn.
243
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,471
I wouldn't have approved
of that either.
244
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:41,806
Well, I'm surprised
you let me go on our honeymoon.
245
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,241
Oh, that's just ludicrous.
246
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,343
(Kate)
'Ludicrous?'
247
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:46,578
What's going on?
248
00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:47,746
Willie, I think that it's time
249
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,848
for you to step into the '80s.
250
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,783
Could we continue
this argument in private?
251
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,118
- Oh, argument, argument.
- Please?
252
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,619
I thought that this was
a difference of opinion!
253
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,121
- 'I was wrong.'
- Well.
254
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:57,922
That's not the only thing
you were wrong about.
255
00:10:57,924 --> 00:11:00,125
- 'Says who?'
- 'You are so unreasonable.'
256
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:03,028
Told you this marriage
is on the rocks.
257
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:05,864
[instrumental music]
258
00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:09,167
[instrumental music]
259
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,339
No, Julie, he hasn't called yet.
260
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,774
Well, how can he call
when you keep
261
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:16,941
calling to see if he called?
262
00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:19,511
Quick! Quick! Hang up! Hang up!
263
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:20,845
Dial 9-1-1!
264
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,113
Nine, uno, uno!
265
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,481
I-I gotta go!
I'll talk to you later, bye!
266
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:25,450
Hurry up!
267
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:27,452
Wait a minute,
I don't smell smoke.
268
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:29,487
Where is it written
that all my emergencies
269
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,856
have to involve fire?
270
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:32,891
Sorry.
271
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,192
It's Willie and Kate.
272
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,494
They've been fighting
all night!
273
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,530
Were you listening
outside their door again?
274
00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:39,898
Inside their door.
275
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,533
Under their bed.
276
00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:44,402
Anyway, I distinctly
heard someone say
277
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:47,505
"Get off it!
It isn't ALF's fault."
278
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,040
That was probably mom.
279
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,309
Well, actually, it was me.
280
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,878
Then they walked out
on each other, Lynn.
281
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,513
I'm an orphan!
282
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:58,149
I don't want to be an orphan.
I saw "Annie."
283
00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,852
Orphans have to eat gruel
284
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,321
and tap dance with mops.
285
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,190
Listen to me.
286
00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:07,926
Mom and dad
haven't abandoned us.
287
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:10,662
They're having a little fight,
that's all.
288
00:12:10,664 --> 00:12:13,898
I just hope mom wins,
so I can go on that ski trip.
289
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,701
They won't settle anything
without our help.
290
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:18,369
Our help?
291
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:19,871
Please, Lynn?
292
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:22,040
This is the only family
that I've got.
293
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:25,276
This is the only family
I've got.
294
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:28,646
Really? Well, no wonder
you're always hanging around.
295
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:31,416
Now, let's see.
296
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,919
How would we solve
this problem on Melmac?
297
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,187
Let me guess.
298
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,723
You'd play
tug-of-war with a cat.
299
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:40,225
No.
300
00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:42,560
That only takes
your mind off your troubles.
301
00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:44,662
It never solves anything.
302
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:48,299
Well, wait. I remember.
303
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,401
To get a couple back together
304
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:54,239
we'd recreate the happiest
moment of their marriage.
305
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:57,041
I wonder what mom and dad's
happiest moment was.
306
00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:59,744
The day they met me?
307
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,146
Think again.
308
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:03,081
The day after they met me.
309
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,482
Keep thinking.
310
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:07,252
I can't! My brain hurts!
311
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:08,686
Ah-h-h.
312
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,956
Well, they're always
talking about
313
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,225
how much they enjoyed
their honeymoon.
314
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:17,962
Great! Yeah, yeah, that's it!
315
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:20,632
Let's recreate their honeymoon.
316
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:21,733
Where did they go?
317
00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:23,835
Niagara Falls.
318
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:26,504
Oh, real original.
319
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:27,572
[instrumental music]
320
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:29,107
Well, what do you think?
321
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:30,441
You know, it does
look a little like
322
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,777
the hotel where
mom and dad stayed.
323
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:35,180
Quick, take your position.
324
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,348
ALF? ALF?
325
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,184
(ALF)
'Ring the bell, Willie.'
326
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,153
What's going on h..
327
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,423
You said this was an emergency!
328
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:46,958
(ALF)
'Ring the bell, Willie!'
329
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,394
- What bell?
- 'Oh, sorry.'
330
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:53,231
'Ring the bell, Willie.'
331
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,268
[bell dings]
332
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,438
You rang?
333
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:02,874
What's the emergency?
334
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:03,975
Ring the bell, Kate.
335
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:06,978
Tell us what the emergency is!
336
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:10,782
It'll be self-explanatory.
Voila!
337
00:14:10,784 --> 00:14:12,183
[bell dinging]
338
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,586
May I take your bags?
339
00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:16,788
What bags?
340
00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:18,489
Right there.
341
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:20,458
What are those doing up here?
342
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:23,862
Don't ask me. I just work here.
343
00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:25,330
[bell dinging]
344
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:28,299
You must be Mr. and Mrs. Tanner.
345
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,134
Welcome to Niagara Falls.
346
00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:32,136
- Niagara Falls?
- Yes.
347
00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:33,471
See, ALF came up
with a way for you two
348
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:36,040
to stop being mad at each other.
349
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,009
We're not mad at each other.
350
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:41,012
Too late. We're going
through with this.
351
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,513
How do you do?
352
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:45,583
I am Fritz von Fingerhoff.
353
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:48,052
On behalf of my staff..
354
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,854
...welcome to the beautiful
355
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:53,191
Duke Of The Mist Hotel.
356
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,993
- Duke Of The Mist..
- Duke Of The Mist.
357
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:57,195
It's where we
spent our honeymoon.
358
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,864
Who's Fritz von Fingerhoff?
359
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:02,500
Beats me. I just liked the name.
360
00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,536
So, I-I gather
this is supposed to be
361
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:08,172
kind of a second honeymoon
then, right?
362
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:11,042
Wrong, a first honeymoon.
363
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,710
Now, imagine
364
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:16,614
it's July 11th, 1967.
365
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,349
The summer of love.
366
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:22,186
Outside is Niagara Falls.
367
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:26,057
Shh-shh-shh.
368
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:28,559
- I feel the spray.
- Shh-shh..
369
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:29,427
Sorry.
370
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,396
Willie Tanner
and Kate Halligan
371
00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:32,964
have just been married.
372
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:36,467
Kate's mother Dorothy
cries buckets and buckets
373
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:39,904
before, during,
and after the ceremony.
374
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:42,407
How do you know so much
about our wedding?
375
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:44,542
I showed him
your wedding album.
376
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,911
Willie, never wear tails again.
377
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:48,913
- And, Kate--
- Careful!
378
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:50,648
You were a lovely bride.
379
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:51,749
Thank you.
380
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:53,051
Back to the wedding.
381
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,719
Willie's uncle Ned makes a scene
382
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:57,088
when he pops his suspenders
doing the twist.
383
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:58,423
You remember that?
384
00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:00,491
I remember the look
on Aunt Agnes' face
385
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,561
when uncle Ned mooned the room.
386
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,330
Stretch, get them out of here.
387
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,565
Show them to their
honeymoon suite.
388
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,100
- Stretch?
- Yeah.
389
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,568
We couldn't get
the real Stretch.
390
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:14,339
He tried going over the falls
in a barrel in '72.
391
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:18,242
I emphasize the word "tried."
392
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:20,144
Right this way.
393
00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,013
Oh, uh, thank you, Stretch.
394
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:25,116
Oh, wait. First, won't you
please sign the register?
395
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,818
[chuckles]
Oh, the..
396
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:29,620
The, uh..
397
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:30,822
[scoffs]
398
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,590
"Mr. and Mrs. Smith?"
399
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:36,494
Willie, that's the same joke
you tried 20 years ago.
400
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,263
The desk clerk didn't laugh
at it then either.
401
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:41,232
We checked it out.
402
00:16:42,936 --> 00:16:44,502
Oh, uh, one more thing.
403
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,538
I trust you won't be stealing
our towels and ashtrays.
404
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:50,641
We'd never do a thing like that!
405
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:53,444
[clears throat]
406
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:55,446
I found this in the basement.
407
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,952
Without further ado
408
00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:04,322
I present the honeymoon sweet.
409
00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:06,290
"Honeymoon sweet."
410
00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:08,159
Wait a minute...
isn't someone gonna
411
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:09,560
carry the bride
over the threshold?
412
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:10,628
(Kate and Willie)
Oh!
413
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,897
Okay, but if I get a hernia
414
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,065
you're looking at a lawsuit.
415
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,333
Come on, Kate.
416
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:19,137
ALF! ALF!
417
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:21,005
- No.
- Go on, dad, pick her up.
418
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:22,974
Yeah, dad.
Whisk her off her feet.
419
00:17:22,976 --> 00:17:25,009
Oh, what the heck.
420
00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:27,078
Oh, honey! Ah.
421
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,248
Alright, Willie,
you Tarzan you!
422
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:40,358
What happened to our bedroom?
423
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:43,261
ALF redecorated it.
Tacky, huh?
424
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:44,862
Very.
425
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,197
You, you can see why
426
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:49,100
we keep this furniture
in the basement.
427
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,202
Well, I wanted
to put you in the mood.
428
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,937
I've turned the bedroom
429
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:54,539
into an exact replica
430
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:57,275
of your honeymoon suite.
431
00:17:57,277 --> 00:18:00,244
Where did you get
this "Hotel" sign?
432
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,946
Well, remember that sign
that you had
433
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,715
that said, "Happy Noel?"
434
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:08,853
I'll bet you didn't know
I was a master glassblower.
435
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,755
I bet you didn't know
I bought that sign
436
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,990
for Lynn
for her first Christmas.
437
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:17,595
And I bet you didn't know
438
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:21,732
that I paid 200 dollars
for it either.
439
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,234
Well, there's so much
about each other
440
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:24,769
that we don't know.
441
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,906
May I put your bags down?
442
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,408
Certainly, my good man.
443
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:33,978
Why, thank you, Stretch!
444
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:36,647
Why, thank you.
445
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,449
Oh, someday
I want to have a little boy
446
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,818
just like Stretch!
447
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:42,453
If I can be
of further assistance
448
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,655
please don't hesitate to ask.
449
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:46,424
And a girl.
450
00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:48,759
Like Consuela.
451
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:51,762
Oh, and if you make up your mind
about the ski trip
452
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,698
please notify the front desk.
453
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,301
Well, we've done our part.
454
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,337
Now it's your turn.
455
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,507
[chuckles]
456
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,111
A nickel?
457
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:09,714
Don't expect clean sheets!
458
00:19:15,088 --> 00:19:17,321
Well, this is kind of silly.
459
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,823
Yeah.
460
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,358
But, boy, this stuff
461
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:23,261
really brings back
memories, doesn't it?
462
00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:24,795
It sure does.
463
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,998
Oh, Willie,
it seems like our honeymoon
464
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,300
was only yesterday.
465
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:32,103
Oh, you were so handsome.
466
00:19:32,105 --> 00:19:34,639
I don't care what ALF says,
I loved you in tails.
467
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,974
I'll tell you one thing
that he got right.
468
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:39,610
- You sure were a lovely bride.
- Aw.
469
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:40,878
You know something?
470
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,381
You know what I remember most
about that day?
471
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:44,849
What?
472
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:47,218
How much I loved you.
473
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,987
- And I still do.
- Oh, Willie.
474
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,155
I love you too.
475
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:53,324
Kate, I'm sorry
about our fight.
476
00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:54,659
No, it wasn't a fight.
477
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:57,061
It was a difference of opinion.
478
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:59,063
[both chuckling]
479
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:00,598
[instrumental music]
480
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,569
- What?
- Oh, oh, uh..
481
00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:06,370
No, I-I-I was just thinking.
482
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,005
Don't you remember
what happened just..
483
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:09,507
...on our honeymoon
just at that instant
484
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:11,709
we were starting
our first kiss?
485
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:13,744
The water pipes burst.
486
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:20,117
Go ahead, Willie,
give her a big smack!
487
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:23,354
Hit it, Brian!
488
00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:25,423
No! No!
489
00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:29,126
[Willie screaming]
490
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,231
You want some more tea,
honey?
491
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,732
Oh, no. Thanks.
But leave the pot.
492
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:38,536
I want to bask in it's warmth.
493
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,738
Question?
494
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,773
- Shoot.
- No! Don't shoot!
495
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,875
I just want to ask you
a question.
496
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:48,879
- Ask.
- Are you mad at me?
497
00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:52,216
You mean, because you,
you soaked us with a hose.
498
00:20:52,218 --> 00:20:55,019
Ruined our mattress,
destroyed our wallpaper
499
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:57,021
and warped our floor?
500
00:20:57,023 --> 00:21:00,524
Hey, don't forget,
I shorted out that hotel sign.
501
00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:01,892
How can we forget?
502
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:03,561
That's when the fire department
hosed me down
503
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:05,429
for the second time.
504
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:08,232
So you are mad.
505
00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:10,368
No, we're not.
506
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:13,104
Boy, what does it take?
507
00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:15,139
The reason we're not mad at you
508
00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:17,808
in spite of that hideous chain
of events
509
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:20,745
is because you were trying
510
00:21:20,747 --> 00:21:22,713
to do something wonderful for us
511
00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:26,384
and I think you did,
you helped us
512
00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:28,919
put romance back in our lives'.
513
00:21:28,921 --> 00:21:31,656
You mean I don't have
to do anymore?
514
00:21:31,658 --> 00:21:34,258
Oh, what else
have you got planned?
515
00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:36,460
Oh, nothing.
516
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:37,928
Let's think for a minute.
517
00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:40,564
After the sturgeon in the tub..
518
00:21:40,566 --> 00:21:44,135
Ah, we went to dinner
at that darling little cafe.
519
00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:45,603
We, oh, we went to dinner
520
00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:47,338
the table collapsed,
everything fell on the floor.
521
00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:48,673
Yes!
522
00:21:54,113 --> 00:21:55,846
Pure co-incidence.
523
00:21:59,585 --> 00:22:01,919
[instrumental music]
524
00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:04,288
Honey, I just don't feel good
about leaving you like this.
525
00:22:04,290 --> 00:22:06,123
Well, no, you go.
526
00:22:06,125 --> 00:22:07,825
There's no use
both of us staying home
527
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:09,827
just because I'm sick.
528
00:22:09,829 --> 00:22:11,929
Uh, say hello, say hello
to your mother for me.
529
00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:13,531
Okay. Muah.
530
00:22:13,533 --> 00:22:15,733
I'll be thinking about you.
531
00:22:17,937 --> 00:22:18,936
[sneezes]
532
00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:23,908
[sighs]
533
00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:25,643
Where's she going?
534
00:22:25,645 --> 00:22:28,479
Oh, she's going
to her mother's.
535
00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:30,147
Without you?
536
00:22:30,149 --> 00:22:31,315
Oh, I get it.
537
00:22:31,317 --> 00:22:32,817
Lynn's on her ski trip
538
00:22:32,819 --> 00:22:34,685
and you don't trust me
to be alone.
539
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:37,521
No, sure we do,
ALF, but I'm sick.
540
00:22:37,523 --> 00:22:39,490
I-I caught cold because somebody
541
00:22:39,492 --> 00:22:41,992
hosed me down in my own bedroom.
542
00:22:41,994 --> 00:22:43,894
Oh, baloney.
543
00:22:43,896 --> 00:22:45,029
- ALF!
- Come on!
544
00:22:45,031 --> 00:22:46,564
Get up and go to your
mother-in-law.
545
00:22:46,566 --> 00:22:48,532
- No!
- Yes!
546
00:22:48,534 --> 00:22:50,134
Oh.
547
00:22:50,136 --> 00:22:52,169
Alright.
548
00:22:52,171 --> 00:22:54,171
Gee, Willie,
you do look a little pale.
549
00:22:54,173 --> 00:22:55,806
You might be coming down
with something.
550
00:22:55,808 --> 00:22:58,342
- You better lie down.
- Oh, thanks.
551
00:22:58,344 --> 00:22:59,844
That's a good idea.
552
00:22:59,846 --> 00:23:02,480
- Let me tuck you in.
- Okay.
553
00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:05,549
- There you go.
- Thanks, ALF.
554
00:23:05,551 --> 00:23:07,318
You're a good friend.
555
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,321
Hey, anything for my Willie.
556
00:23:10,323 --> 00:23:12,189
You want me to press my lips
up against your forehead?
557
00:23:12,191 --> 00:23:13,190
No.
558
00:23:13,192 --> 00:23:14,825
[Willie gasps]
559
00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:17,995
[instrumental music]
560
00:23:22,034 --> 00:23:25,069
[theme music]
561
00:23:49,762 --> 00:23:51,962
[ALF laughing]